Sequels Rarely Live Up to the Original
by strangertrack
Summary: Hijikata, Yamazaki, and Okita at the movies.


Someday, I will write a real Hijikata/Yamazaki, not one big tease. Today is not that day (unless I happen to write that other fic idea I have today... then today _is_ that day).

**Sequels Rarely Live Up to the Original**

"Toshi, take these as a token of my appreciation."

"_Alien vs. Yakuza V, the Prequel: Memories of the Revenge of the Kingdom of the Crystal Dust Rebellion Dattebayo_," Hijikata noted with surprise, deeply moved. "Kondou-san, how did you know I've been wanting to see this?"

"Hahaha, I'm your commander, after all," Kondou laughed heartily. "I know everything about my cute subordinates."

Hijikata decided to let the 'cute' comment slide, just this once.

"Really, that's amazing. I stood in line for hours but the tickets were already sold out. How did you manage to get these?"

"Well, to tell the truth, the chief gave them to me-"

"So you didn't actually do anything."

"-but I'd rather spend my free time with Otae-san-

"Stalking, the word you're looking for is _stalking_, Kondou-san."

"-but the old man would be insulted if I let his gift go to waste-"

"So you decided to pawn them off on me."

"-and I figured you and Sougo might go instead," Kondou finished.

"There's no way I'm going with a big sadist like him."

"Now now Hijikata-san." Okita said smilingly, reaching out for one of the tickets. "I've been desperately wanting to see to this Alien vs. Predator Z movie, too."

"Oi, did you say Alien vs. Predator? Copyright infringement? Do you even know what movie it is you're desperately wanting to see?"

Kondou laughed obliviously. "You both go enjoy your Godzilla vs. Predator movie."

"It's changed too much! There's no resemblance to the original title anymore!"

"I'll see you at the Godzilla vs. Mothra movie, Hijikata-san," Okita said cheerfully, tapping his ticket against his temple.

xxxxx

Normally, Hijikata would have shredded the movie ticket and spent his evening at home training, but this was the newest release of the incredibly moving _Alien vs Yakuza_saga! The one that explained how Jou-aniki got that wicked scar and joined the yakuza in their fight against the invading aliens!

He wouldn't, _couldn't_, wait another week to view it. That would be opening himself up to spoilers that Okita would no doubt attack him with.

"Theater 6, to your left," the theater worker told him helpfully as she handed him back his stub.

Hijikata surveyed the crowded lobby, on the lookout for the telltale glint of a bazooka, ready to shoot and ruin his movie-going experience.

He spotted another teammate instead, headed inside. Now how did Yamazaki manage to obtain tickets to the movie on opening night when he had failed? The sneaky bastard must definitely have skipped work to line up the day before!

Yamazaki jumped about ten feet in the air when Hijikata poked him with the tip of his sword, killing aura activated.

"Ya-ma-za-ki."

"Ahh! Fukuchou! You scared me!"

"You've got a lot of nerve, you know that?"

"Eh? What?"

"The least you could have done is bought my ticket, too, you unthoughtful ingrate. We could have come together and saved on cab fare, you know."

Yamazaki couldn't believe his ears. Was Hijikata actually implying that he would be willing to spend time away from the office with him? And not only that, but that they shared the same interest? He had no idea!

"I'm sorry, fukuchou! Next time, I promise!" he swore, eager to make amends.

"Good. Now let's go in before the movie starts. I want to get good seats."

"Yes!"

Hijikata took Yamazaki by the arm and dragged him toward Theater 6, completely missing the confused, longing look Yamazaki cast at Theater 5 across the way.

xxxxx

There were many things Yamazaki admired about Hijikata. He was good-looking, a skilled swordsman, passionate about his job, cool under pressure, good-looking, gave incredible beatings, could handle daily assassination attempts, could deal with idiotic superiors, was good-looking, had that awesome build, was so incredibly manly and good-looking.

The perfect image of the icy cool demonic vice commander, a man to be respected, wasn't just cracking. It was shattered into pieces so tiny, a jigsaw puzzle master couldn't piece it back together.

Hijikata was crying into his sleeve as something innocuous happened onscreen, a scene with a mother cooking dinner. It was much more than Yamazaki could bear.

"Fukuchou," he whispered, tapping Hijikata on the shoulder to get his attention. "I'll be right back. I'm going to get some snacks."

"Get me a medium popcorn. No salt, extra mayonnaise," Hijikata whispered back between sobs.

Yamazaki suppressed a shudder. "Yes, fukuchou."

Yamazaki dawdled as long as he could, but unfortunately, the refreshment stand lines were short, the cashier was quick, and they _did_ had stocks of mayonnaise as popcorn topping.

How did his rare free evening turn into such a disillusioning disaster? It was like a blind date set up by a trusted friend who swore up and down that the girl was beautiful and a real catch but turned out to be a gorilla. One who couldn't understand the human language and followed you when you tried to leave.

Yamazaki looked at Theater 5, which was playing the movie he had come to see: _The Prince of Tennis Movie: The Two Samurai Princes, The First Game_.

Surely, it couldn't hurt to take a quick peek and see what was going on.

_Just five minutes_, he promised himself, _then back to fukuchou's side. He'll never even miss me._

xxxxx

Over an hour later, Yamazaki exited Theater 5, stretching contentedly. "That was such a great movie. That battle in the sky between the two brothers was epic."

"Really, it was. I didn't think that Jou-aniki had such a tragic past," Hijikata sniffled from next to him.

"Ah! Fukuchou!"

Yamazaki had completely forgotten about Hijikata until that moment... and he was distressed to realize that he had left the popcorn back in his theater.

"It's the kind of movie that makes you realize how important your comrades are," Hijikata continued, laying a friendly hand on Yamazaki's shoulder. "Yamazaki, I'm in a good mood. I'll treat you to dinner."

"Really, fukuchou?"

"You'll love the Hijikata Special."

Yamazaki didn't know why that generous offer sounded more like an ominous threat.

xxxxx

"Hey, Yamazaki. I thought you'd be an irritating guy to be with... one of those types who shouts at the characters in the movie as if they can hear you and makes running commentaries, disturbing the other patrons..."

Yamazaki sweatdropped. He really _was_ that type. The other TeniPuri fans hadn't been too pleased with him.

"...but you were actually tolerable. I barely knew you were there."

"Um... about that..."

"Let's be movie-watching buddies. I'll get tickets so we can rewatch next week."

Yamazaki stood dumbstuck as Hijikata left.

"Well well... a second date. And you didn't even have to put out. You're pretty good, aren't you, Yamazaki?"

Yamazaki nearly had a heart attack. "Ahh! Okita-taichou! Where did you come from?"

"How rude. I was with you this whole time, you know."

"Like at the movies," Okita pointed upward at the sky, and a little memory bubble formed, showing Hijikata and Yamazaki inside the theater, Okita in sunglasses and a baseball cap, pointing a sniper rifle at Hijikata from five rows back.

"And at dinner." This time, Yamazaki unconscious and drooling in front of a half-eaten 'Hijikata Special' while Hijikata smoked a cigarette, Okita in the booth behind him with a bazooka.

"And then the walk home." Okita camouflaged in some bushes, ready to set off a trap of nets and spears, while Hijikata half-dragged a still-sick Yamazaki through the park.

"And finally during the good-night kiss." Okita kissing a freaked out Yamazaki.

"Wait, that never-"

_Chuu._

Yamazaki commenced his freakout, continuing to flail his arms even after Okita released him.

"I'll see you at our next date, Zaki-pyon~!"

xxxxx

**The End**

xxxxx

I suspect I have a secret love of Okita/Yamazaki. That or I just enjoy tormenting Yamazaki any way I can.

xxxxx

October 13, 2008


End file.
